Ok so the title of this post has immediately drawn you in. Perfect. Today at chapel we had a man and woman who go by the names of the "Sex and Skinny Tour" speak. Nate, spoke of his pornography addiction which he had went through all of his adolescence and which continued not only into his training at Bible college but also his marriage and acting as a pastor at a church. Constance spoke of her eating disorder and body image which she had started struggling with since she was 16. Although over it now, when she was most struggling she was working as a major musician alongside bands such as Switchfoot and many other big names. From the surface both these people seemed like they had it all together, but behind closed doors, it was very much the opposite.
Although different topics, there were major themes which tied these two obsessions together. They both talked about a cycle. First, we begin with loneliness. Loneliness led to shame, shame to fear and fear to acting out (for Nate this was pornography and for Constance eating or lack of it).
Loneliness > Shame > Fear> Acting Out
Constance made a really good observation which I really want to share with you all. Before the fall, God said that it was not good for man to be alone, this was PRE-fall when man had the most direct connection to God, yet God knew it wasn't good for Adam to be alone even though Adam was walking with God in the garden, Adam needed a companion. So what does this say about now? After the fall? We need people around us. We NEED people around us, its a God given need. Our life expectancy can be calculated by the relationships and interactions we have around us. Loneliness is at the root of so many problems amongst people now. It can lead, in this example, to eating disorders and pornography in order to seek fulfillment and then when we feel alone during the shame and fear process we need to act on that, but that only brings more loneliness, shame and fear and before you know it we are in this terrible cycle.
The biggest lie Satan can tell you is that you are alone in how you feel. There are billions of people in this world, and to be honest, as much as you like to think you're original, you aren't really. This problem you are going through, so many people are, the people around you are. But it takes one person to admit to it, and then others do, and before you know it you realize how stupid you were to think you were alone in the first place. But this approach takes one first bold step of honesty, of taking off that mask and showing people who you really are and being genuine. You have no idea what this first step could lead to, someone could feel equally as lonely as you, but they need someone to say something first. Be that person!
Constance talked about wearing a mask and when you are being showed love with that mask on, only the mask gets that love, but not the real person, therefore the person still feels disconnected and lonely. Be ok with taking that mask off, and for people to see who really is under there. When you take it off it will inspire others to take theirs off too. Can you imagine how beautiful a world it would be if we just all realized how imperfect we are... and how not one single person has it together and instead of pretending its all good we all just helped each other along?
I am that person who people thinks has it all together and sometimes we view christians like that, that they don't live in the real world so how could that world affect them. God uses the most broken of people and it amazes me daily. I have struggled with image problems since I was around 8 years old, stuff was said to me as a kid has stuck to me like absolute glue, and I am still working to pick it off. I seek acceptance in every person I meet and fear with all my heart rejection from those people. In the past I have had history with eating problems, self-harm and have viewed myself as the lowest possible human being in existence. Every week here I meet with a counsellor and we work through it. On paper, it really looks like I have it all together. It really does. I don't tell you this for sympathy, not at all. I tell you because firstly, regardless of the crap that has happened in my life, God is using ME to further HIS kingdom. Yes me. Just like HE can use YOU, with all your baggage and crap attached on. Secondly, I tell you this because I hope that my honesty will inspire YOU to be honest with those around you and let them know they aren't alone just like I may have just let you know that you aren't alone. If any of you knows me personally and wants to see under the mask or ask questions, I would be totally ok with that, you can meet up with me or email me on
vikki.smyth@ccuniversity.edu
You can check out Sex and Skinny tour
here
Constance's site on Body image
here
and Nate's site for helping guys
here
Love,
Vikki :)
