We're Moving

Change is in the air and the site for this blog is going to change also!

I will no longer be updating this blog but heres the address to the new one!

breathelifeintostone.wordpress.com

Look forward to seeing you there :)

Vikki

Why I love my little brother.

Sometimes I like to share little things in my life that make me laugh. Meet my little brother George. He's 16 and my Dad recently told me this story.

My brother works in a small local shop near our house. My Dad picked him up one day and noticed that he had an apple tart with him (my Dad's favorite dessert). Anyway, my brother got in the car and he said to my Dad "Dad... what would you say if I saved a life?". My Dad, unsure of what George was TRULY asking, asked again what my brother meant. George merely repeated the question "Dad, what would you say if I saved a life?". Dad then replied saying "well I'd be proud of you, thats a great thing to spare something from death". Then my brother let loose what this all meant. George explained how a man had come into the shop that day telling George how he was going to shoot his dog since it was no good. This is when my brother told my Dad "so... his dog is arriving at 12 o'clock tomorrow...here's an apple tart".

SO we welcome Bailey the cocker spaniel and labrador mix to our family!!!!

You never know whats going to happen next in our household. I am incredibly blessed.

We keep the Streets Safe.

God blessed me a bunch with these people. They taught me so much, and I was so encouraged to work alongside people with such a ministry mindset. 

They were also the best fun ever. Team VATA lived up to their name at Redneck night. 

My team thought they were hilarious. "We <3 her leprechaun people"

Camp fun.

 At our first camp we would play water kickball everyday with the campers. The first day it was super hot and we got popsicles as a snack, so it was pretty beautiful.

We did the same thing the next day. It was not so hot, so not so beautiful. Cold water, popsicles and paddling pools...

The next week our campers were faculty at a Junior high camp... they remade this picture... note the shirts.

LOVE.

Long Time No See

This summer I got to travel with these three amazing people that you see above which I now consider as some of my best friends. I learned so so much. I watched God work on a daily basis, transforming kids lives. I got to talk about the school I love all summer. And I learned so much about myself too. I would write a blog post about this summer but it would be far too long for you to care and the words would never do it justice. You'll probably hear some stories randomly through the next year. But there are things which I have taken from this summer which will travel into how I live and want to live post-summer.

1. Love, and love genuinely. Love speaks where sometimes words can't.
2. Calm yourself, things happen. All you can do is make sure you do everything in joy and with confidence in Christ.
3. Be intentional, with people, conversations, activities etc You never have any idea where roads lead, where the ripple effect goes or how many dominos you can knock down in one push.
4. Believe in yourself. If you don't, how do you expect anyone else to?
5. Be disciplined. Discipline develops focus and drive.
6. That whole trying to do it yourself thing? Yea... it wont work. You need God and you need people.
7. Be centered in prayer. It changes things.
8. Remember that the battle is the Lords and that your first priority is being a kingdom worker. Its about Him and the glorification of His name. Him first, others second, you last.
9. Do things which make you come alive and inspire you. The world needs people who are passionate.
10. Life is short, make it a masterpiece if nothing else. Be making the stories to tell the kids.

So thats probably not what you wanted. But after summer I am ready to get stuck into life again. Im back with more passion and drive than I have ever had before. And right now Im more concerned with what my next adventure is, what next blog post to write, book to read, person to meet. I really hope to take you on a crazy journey with me over this time.

Lets see where He leads,

Vikki x

20. Wow.

Two decades. I made it farther than I thought. As a young girl growing up in Northern Ireland, my grandparents watched the news a lot, I was utterly convinced I would be killed by terrorists before my 18th since that was all that was ever publicized. I really had no clue then. Ignorance wasn't something that would disappear with age though. If you told me at 15 that I would go to college in the states I would have laughed you out of the place. And yet I have enough hindsight and wisdom to know that I have no idea where the next few years will take me. I may write a blogpost on my thirtieth birthday were I reflect upon this one; laughing at my past ignorance, sympathetic of the fact that I had no idea of direction. But I pray that I will not look back with regret.

I have done it all; new years resolutions, year bucket lists, "19 before 20". I created all these lists because I thought that at the end of completing these that I would feel so accomplished. I thought that I would know who I truly was, and that my life after this period of time would have underwent a quick-fix and all would be beautiful on the other side. I would be thinner, or more confident, or have one FINE looking man on my arm, or be a spiritual giant, the list went on. I have regrets about these lists I made; the lists I could never keep up with and then felt crushed that they didn't happen (notice I still hold onto the 20 pounds I wanted to lose before my 20th haha). Even if I had completed these lists, I doubt they would've made an impact. So what are aims for my 20th year?

While I was reading today I came across this article that Erma Bombeck had written entitled "If I Had to Live Over Again":

"I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now get washed up for dinner." There would have been more I love yous, more I'm sorrys, but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it, live it and never give it back."

So I will not be making lists this year. I'll be too busy. Because it all comes down to what we want to be known and remembered for, and I want Vikki Smyth to be known for seizing every minute, really seeing it, living it to the full and never giving it back.

Along with this, I want to remember and pray the prayer that the rabbi, Joshua Abraham Heschel prayed:

"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of Your universe. Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the features of men's faces. Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all"

Not a Fan

I want to introduce a girl I had the honor of spending my freshman year at CCU with. Her name is Shelbi Draper. She is now studying at a different Christian university but her story and testimony is an incredible one. I highly recommend you check this story out. Nothing can stop this girl showing the love of Christ to those around her, she is more than a fan of God, she is a devoted follower who has handed over everything.

Prayer

One of my friends recently asked me what prayer meant to me and asked why I pray... It took me a while to gather my thoughts but when I got it all together I said that I see prayer as a means of communication. My mentor once told me to wholeheartedly pray for those who you necessarily don't like, because you will begin to see them how God sees them. Its amazing how your views of that person can change when you bring them before the almighty Father. I also said that another reason I pray is because its a way of communication and relationships develop through communication. How will I know if God is in something if I haven't truly experienced His presence and can recognize it.

One of the best prayers I have ever heard was when I went to my youth minister's house for dinner. His wife had made this awesome meal, and when Shamus (the youth minister) asked his kids who wanted to pray, his little girl Ellie (aged 4) and little boy Cooper (aged 7) both raised their hands at the same time. Shamus then said they could both pray but that Ellie could go first, this didn't please Cooper one bit as he claimed that Ellie always got to go first but he reluctantly carried on and accepted that he would go second. Ellie in her sweetest voice opened up with "Dear Jesus... thank you for today... and thank you that Mommy did not cook poison for dinner", Cooper then joined in with "Dear Jesus, I pray that one day I'll be able to pray first".

I loved how the kids approached this prayer, with such a rawness. I look back in my prayer journal and I can see where I started all formal-like in my prayers thinking that they had to be a certain way. But as I read on I see a vast array of emotion; I see where I could barely contain myself because something awesome had happened, or I see when I nearly ripped pages with my pen because I was so frustrated or stressed or I can see the rare days I had a wee cry in the pages and the ink had spread into blotches. You see God doesn't care how we come to Him, He just cares that we are there. He doesn't want more from us, He wants more of us.

When I went to Southland Christian Church today the sermon was on (funnily enough) prayer. Jon Weece opened up the question with "How do you pray?". Jon said, "first, say nothing". It is only when we say nothing, that we hear everything. There is a seismic difference between God as a concept and God as a reality. We can sit in our bible studies and classes, and wrap God in different theological terms and processes, but these are nothing in comparison to actually experiencing His presence in our lives. Jon claimed that we should say nothing, enter into the presence of God and then say everything. Remember who you are talking to; In the presence of God the King...say nothing, in the presence of God the Father... say everything.

Jon gave a formula for how to pray and it goes like this:

1. "God, Thank you for... "

2. "God, Help me... "

3. "God, Use me..." 

This formula isn't rocket science, but so many times we focus on one too much or forget about one or two all together. 

Always remember, if it matters to you it will matter to God. Every situation hinges on whose hands it lies in and although it's extremely difficult to lay our situations into the hands of God, He is the only one we can lay them into the hands of.

And So Ends Sophomore Year...

I guess I had forgotten a lot of what went on this year. At the end of each year I always go into "reflective mode" where I basically evaluate on whether I have spent my last year effectively or if I have wasted it away. With this hindsight in mind, I make decisions on what I want the next year to look like. But as I looked over this past year, I don't think that I could sum it up better than the fact it was a 2 Corinthians 12:9 kind of year.

"But he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me" -  

2 Corinthians 12:9

On paper, this looks like it was my strongest year. Sometimes it felt the complete opposite. I realized this year that I cant do this life thing alone; that I needed God, and that I needed people. The later was the hardest for me to accept. Let me tell you a little about last year. I got onto Camp Teams, where I will be leading and traveling with three other people, working at seven camps over seven weeks across Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Illinois. I was part of Student Body Leadership with an incredible team who have become my closest friends, and which I will be on next year, with a brilliant team and as Vice-President. This sounds great, and I have been extremely blessed. But let me tell you how it all came about. 

When I entered my Sophomore year, I was so focused on proving myself. I had never observed rock bottom this close before. Each time we got a break from school and I headed to Lexington, I could see the look on my friend Mark's face as he knew I was ready for a break again and that I had pushed myself too much...again. A friend encouraged me into counseling, where I would swallow my pride and admit that this time... I couldn't fix it myself. I finished counseling only two weeks ago. In regards to camp teams, I didn't want to apply at all for this year. I had been turned down the year before and I didn't want to go through the heartache again. Many people tried encouraging me to apply, but I wouldn't budge. Failure and rejection were fears that were consuming my life. I took one friend in particular who would make me sit outside the coffee shop one Saturday afternoon to fill out the online application (and I mean the word "make"... you know who you are). 

When I got on the team for SBL, I didn't know any of them too well. We were all from different pockets of school and had never really hung out before the team was formed. As the year went on I can honestly tell you that these people became some of my closest friends. We planned events, both successful and unsuccessful. We planned Halloween parties, formal events, outings...so many events. One of the highlights was waking up at 3am to plant easter eggs all over the campus for a surprise hunt the next day for all the student body. When it came to the end of the year I wasn't sure if I could do it again, something was telling me I couldn't, that someone else would be far better. But friends came alongside me, told me things different and encouraged me to pursue on. 

This year pushed me beyond limits. It made me do things I didn't want to, but they were things where the only major hurdle was... myself. I was living in a performance trap. But as I look on this past year, I do not look on it with regret. I look back on this year and with a smile and a laugh say "about time Victoria". 

I admitted that I didn't know all the answers. 

I admitted that I wasn't as strong as everyone thought I was. 

I admitted that I didn't know how to differentiate between excellence and perfection. 

I admitted that I needed the people around me. 

I admitted that I needed help and that I couldn't do it alone. 

And that is why this was my strongest and best year. 

I always thought I had to do life with a squeaky clean record. That I had a million people to please and that my life was dedicated to that purpose. I realized my weakness, but the day I decided to embrace that weakness and ask God and friends to fill the gap was the strongest day of my life. There is great strength in weakness and in vulnerability. Life is trial and error and we never get it right all the time. I got out of my comfort zone this year, and I don't want to go back there. I know it is such a cliche to say that we should be living each day like the last, we should be seizing the day, carpe diem, even YOLO (Father forgive me). But these aren't bad approaches in which to live your life. 

So what did I learn this past year? (In a nut shell) 

• In everything, be who you are. If you are not yourself, then nothing you do or accomplish will ever seem worthwhile. At the end of the day you will feel like an impostor and the person who accomplished all those things will feel so separate from who you are. 
• You have your whole life to accomplish everything you want to do, stop thinking you need to get a degree, a masters, a job, travel, fall crazy in love, marry your partner and a have a family all in a 5 year time span. Trust in God's timing and in the fact that His plan is far more exciting than yours will ever be. Your life isn't going to be "sorted" in only a small time frame. 
• Jesus redefined greatness. Rather than going by the worlds definition, Jesus showed that true greatness meant love and service to the Lord and to those around Him. Be that. 
• Rest in the fact that you are a child of God, be still and know it. He doesn't want more from you, He wants more of you. 
• Faith is saying that where you are and what you have right now is enough and being confident in that. 
• Never have a preconceived notion of a person or situation. Go into every situation with a positive spirit, willing to make the most out of whatever faces you. 
• Treasure the people around you and never be scared to love them as much as you possibly can. 
• Do your best to everyday wake up and ask yourself how you can make the most out of that day. 
• You can't do life perfectly, don't even try, but pursue God in everything and you will never go wrong.
• Don't be too proud to ask for help, you aren't suppose to do life alone. Thats why we have friends and family. 
• There are blessings everywhere, try to always remember them. 
• Find a reason to smile and laugh everyday

This is my awesome camp team. I will be traveling with them this summer. This is Dustin, myself, Carly and Roger. Please be praying for us this summer as we go out and try to love on anyone we meet.

 This is my awesome SBL team this past year. It consists of Johannes, Caleb, Stacey, Joel and Nick. Meetings with these guys were never dull and I can tell you that I have learned something valuable from every single member of this team. They have all impacted me and I can honestly tell you that I will always remember these guys. Working alongside them was an absolute honor.

Only a few of the crazy friends which I count as family. CCU and the people there have changed my life. These people are my family, and I couldn't ask for people who care more about me than the family I have found there.

So what advice do I give for this rather extended thought. Take a snapshot of your life right now and realize everything and everyone you have. You are blessed. But the ball is in your court about what you want to do about that. You can be cynical and waste it all away. Or you can use these temporary things and make them have an eternal impact. Make the most of everything, let fear become your past and pursue everyday with the wish to push yourself so much more, going to bed that night feeling that because of that day you grew a little bit more.

I asked Mark Rankin if he had any life advice for me and he said "Vikki... thats so vague... don't waste your life on vague and stupid things"...I also wouldn't tell him what it was for so thats probably why he was so abrasive...

Love, Vikki

Relationship

Sometimes as Christians we get so full of cliches.. and we have all heard them... but usually behind many of them there is a truth to be found ... some of them you may just have to look harder than others or twist them altogether. We see the "a relationship with God is the best relationship you can have" usually printed over a backdrop of a random mountain scenery or something along those lines but we forget the implications of this statement. You have probably at one point also heard people refer to Christianity as a relationship and not a religion. It is a totally true statement, but we rarely dwell on this idea of being "in relationship" with God and what does this mean in our lives?

1) The Oxford Dictionary defines "relationship" as "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected". Ok, so this idea of "connectedness" seems big. Looking into this more I would say that this is a consistent thing, commitment is involved, that it is not something you can pick up when you do desire, and when you are in...you're all in or at least you should be. We are either in a relationship or we are not. There is no on the fence when it comes to relationships. We are either fully invested or not invested at all. 

2) If I were in a romantic relationship, even in relationships with friends, if I think that there is something wrong or am feeling distant from that person, I'm going to do something about it and have an urgency about it. I would never think "oh it'll fix itself", relationships don't work like that. I would want to fix it because I care about them so much and care about that relationship. I would do everything I could; call, text, write, whatever it took to restore that relationship back to what it was. But when I think about how often I have felt distant from God, or that I just haven't felt "connected", and I didn't do anything about it, it makes me feel so guilty. With God we figure that He will just show up soon, it'll only be a matter of time, the next worship thing we go to, next church service. I should be alarmed when I don't feel connected to God. The very minute it crosses my mind, I should be off to talk to Him, read His Word, there should be urgency in this relationship when I feel it isn't where it should be. 

3) You are never suddenly in a relationship, it takes time, work, and a constant commitment. Everyday you pour more of yourself into it, you invest yourself in it, all of yourself. Its a constant journey which takes constant effort and work. But how many times do I view my relationship with God like this? And how many times do I put so much importance on it? Relationships are not stagnant. They need to keep moving, we keep pursuing and chasing. 

4) Your relationship with God is so unlike any other relationship with anyone else. You see God knows you, your past, knows you below the mask you put on with other people, has saw you at your best and worst and still that does not affect the fact He still thinks more of you than all your friends put together. People often say that you can see the healthiness of your life based upon your relationships with people. But you can see the healthiness of your relationships with people based upon your relationship with God. If you are really seeking Him, you begin to see His people in a way that He sees them and all the blessings which come from being closer to Him. 

5) Relationships need quality time with that person. Alone time, where you are not being shared between them and someone else. How many times do we spend intentional time alone with God, without distractions? Where we set aside a time and place where we keep our eyes on Him and are genuinely interested in our relationship with Him and with its progress? 

6) We are in love in relationships. Can you genuinely say you are "in love" with God? That idea makes us uncomfortable I know. But have we got to the point where we just get so overwhelmed that God should think so much of us even though we're pretty crappy. Everyday do we wake up and count our blessings that God should be so in love with us? and why isnt' that enough somedays? 

7) Such joy and happiness comes with relationships. There is unbelievable joy to be found in a relationship with God. You can go on crazy adventures where you never thought you would go. 

Recently in a conversation with one of my closest friends, we discussed how the very things which the human body craves can be found in the Bible and in the characteristics of God. We seek purpose, love and consistency. But God is the only being which can offer such a deal. We crave the character of God and the fruits of the spirit that come with Him. But like true humans we try and seek these cravings in other things, and that marks our very downfall when we make that decision. When we sin we settle for less than we deserve, because God freely offers us so much more. 

Fear

Fear has been something which has come up a lot recently and is something I am just looking more into. Ironically, this devotional which is sent to my email everyday has started off a new series and surprise surprise...its a series on fear. So I wanted to share this first devotional which I received a couple days ago....

"Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

 

I think fear is one of Satan’s biggest tricks. If we are afraid to do something, to go somewhere, or to say something, we are often stopped from even trying whatever that something is. Fear can be blinding. Halting. Disorienting. God understands this. Have you ever noticed how often the phrase “Do not be afraid” is used in the Bible? It’s everywhere. And usually, when God is saying fear not to someone, it is because they are about to embark on some incredible journey for His Kingdom. Think about it. What did the angel say to Mary right before she found out she was pregnant with the savior of the world? Fear not. To Joshua before an impossible battle? Fear not. To Paul while he was bringing the gospel story to the nations? Do not be afraid. You see, God knows there is fear in us, but He also knows that behind it all lies a kingdom opportunity. Could it be that the thing making you tremble is the very thing you're called to? It’s not about just conquering fear for conquering's sake. It's more about the potential of what lies behind it. Let's say you are afraid to pray out loud. It may be that you should just go shout a prayer into a crowded room in order to get over your fear. Or perhaps God wants you to pray out loud for a specific person He has laid on your heart. Whatever it is for you, fear not! Don’t let fear blind, halt, or disorient you from your kingdom opportunity."

If you want to sign up for this devotional which you receive in your email everyday you can at http://southlandchristian.org/blogs/devo/ 

What If Money Was No Object?

So my friend Mark told me about this video today and I have to say I love it! He brought it up and said "I know you're into this type of crap", and it actually proved that he knows me quite well. When the first question is raised we immediately begin thinking about our ultimate dreams, what we could do if money wasn't an issue, and even more. We associate money not being an option which strength and an "anything is possible" perspective, we get excited about it, passionate almost. I went all goosebumps when I heard that we should live in the way that money is no object, and how we should just live! Don't waste your time, get right to the dream! Sometimes I think that God's dream for me and my dreams are totally different and run parallel to one another but they will never cross. But I do not give my God any credit; my gifts, passions and dreams are given by God. But my dreams are still pretty mediocre to God and I cant help but think He looks over my shoulder, laughs at my dreams and goes "pfft, wait till you see what I have in store, wayyyy better and wayyy more imaginative than you're stuff". Looking back, there are some things which I am so thankful didn't work out, more than thankful but in those situations I was often heartbroken, but that heartbrokenness was merely God whispering "Vikki, I promise that what I have is better, trust Me", at the time you never buy it, but hindsight is an incredible thing. One day I might travel the world, take beautiful pictures, marry a funny and gorgeous man to do ministry with, have 5 beautiful children, live in a beautiful house and laugh everyday or I might not and be living something I cant even fathom because its so crazy awesome. Either way I live with the promise that I will never be left or forsaken (Hebrews 13:5) and that God has thee best plan for me which is far better than the one I have for myself.

Dreams are an awesome thing. I love seeing them happen to the people around me and reading about them in the Bible. When the Lord tells Sarah, who so old and has been barren her whole life, that she is going to have a baby, she laughs, she doesn't believe that God could do such a thing and bless her in such a way and she just laughs. For once in my life I am beyond excited about how God is going to work in my life, so excited to see how He is going to show up in my life and dreams and I cannot wait to tell you all about it.

Love,
   Vikki :)

Sex and Skinny Tour

         Ok so the title of this post has immediately drawn you in. Perfect. Today at chapel we had a man and woman who go by the names of the "Sex and Skinny Tour" speak. Nate, spoke of his pornography addiction which he had went through all of his adolescence and which continued not only into his training at Bible college but also his marriage and acting as a pastor at a church. Constance spoke of her eating disorder and body image which she had started struggling with since she was 16. Although over it now, when she was most struggling she was working as a major musician alongside bands such as Switchfoot and many other big names. From the surface both these people seemed like they had it all together, but behind closed doors, it was very much the opposite.

        Although different topics, there were major themes which tied these two obsessions together. They both talked about a cycle. First, we begin with loneliness. Loneliness led to shame, shame to fear and fear to acting out (for Nate this was pornography and for Constance eating or lack of it).

Loneliness >  Shame > Fear> Acting Out 

       Constance made a really good observation which I really want to share with you all. Before the fall, God said that it was not good for man to be alone, this was PRE-fall when man had the most direct connection to God, yet God knew it wasn't good for Adam to be alone even though Adam was walking with God in the garden, Adam needed a companion. So what does this say about now? After the fall? We need people around us. We NEED people around us, its a God given need. Our life expectancy can be calculated by the relationships and interactions we have around us. Loneliness is at the root of so many problems amongst people now. It can lead, in this example, to eating disorders and  pornography in order to seek fulfillment and then when we feel alone during the shame and fear process we need to act on that, but that only brings more loneliness, shame and fear and before you know it we are in this terrible cycle. 

      The biggest lie Satan can tell you is that you are alone in how you feel. There are billions of people in this world, and to be honest, as much as you like to think you're original, you aren't really. This problem you are going through, so many people are, the people around you are. But it takes one person to admit to it, and then others do, and before you know it you realize how stupid you were to think you were alone in the first place. But this approach takes one first bold step of honesty, of taking off that mask and showing people who you really are and being genuine. You have no idea what this first step could lead to, someone could feel equally as lonely as you, but they need someone to say something first. Be that person! 

      Constance talked about wearing a mask and when you are being showed love with that mask on, only the mask gets that love, but not the real person, therefore the person still feels disconnected and lonely. Be ok with taking that mask off, and for people to see who really is under there. When you take it off it will inspire others to take theirs off too. Can you imagine how beautiful a world it would be if we just all realized how imperfect we are... and how not one single person has it together and instead of pretending its all good we all just helped each other along? 

       I am that person who people thinks has it all together and sometimes we view christians like that, that they don't live in the real world so how could that world affect them. God uses the most broken of people and it amazes me daily. I have struggled with image problems since I was around 8 years old, stuff was said to me as a kid has stuck to me like absolute glue, and I am still working to pick it off. I  seek acceptance in every person I meet and fear with all my heart rejection from those people. In the past I have had history with eating problems, self-harm and have viewed myself as the lowest possible human being in existence. Every week here I meet with a counsellor and we work through it. On paper, it really looks like I have it all together. It really does. I don't tell you this for sympathy, not at all. I tell you because firstly, regardless of the crap that has happened in my life, God is using ME to further HIS kingdom. Yes me. Just like HE can use YOU, with all your baggage and crap attached on. Secondly, I tell you this because I hope that my honesty will inspire YOU to be honest with those around you and let them know they aren't alone just like I may have just let you know that you aren't alone. If any of you knows me personally and wants to see under the mask or ask questions, I would be totally ok with that, you can meet up with me or email me on vikki.smyth@ccuniversity.edu 

You can check out Sex and Skinny tour here

Constance's site on Body image here

and Nate's site for helping guys here  

Love,
      Vikki :) 

Where Do You Need Some Breathing Room?

So again I am on an Andy Stanley kick and have started a series of his called "Breathing Room". In this time we are consistently bombarded with people trying to get a hold of us, through phone call, messaging, email, facebook, twitter, facetime...you get it, but we are so easily accessible now. We need to have calendars, diaries and schedules in order to manage our time. We push ourselves right to the limit of what we are capable of and more. But by pushing ourselves so much, we put the quantity over the quality, so we may be at the event but is all of us really there? we may have done all the work but we missed out on spending time with the people we love and as a result are worn out because we never got time with our support system.

God knows what we need (Matthew 6:32), He knows our limits, and He knows fine rightly that we have the ability to run ourselves into the ground. If any of you know me personally you'll know that I sometimes have the tendency to do this. I push myself too far, stretch myself too thin and often forget just to take time out and be still. So through this series I am going to make some small changes:

1) Social Media: deleting the twitter and facebook app (toooo accessible), only going online after 10pm.
2) Taking a Sabbath: Saturday or Sunday, no work, and filling it with the right stuff instead
3) When I am with friends, make sure I am fully there: not taking my phone out and resisting the temptation to think about other things I should be doing instead.
4) Taking time out every night: sit down with a coffee or tea or something (like a proper old woman) and read, think, journal or listen to something positive.
5) Start and end my day with The Bible and journalling: I was once told "Victoria... no Bible no breakfast, no Bible no bed" Even though I have heard it a million times, this time I want to try and start and stick to it.
6) Deepening friendships; really digging deep, asking questions, getting beyond surface level.

We need breathing space, sometimes I trick myself into thinking its selfish to want time just to focus on yourself, but its a human need, if we really want to radiate Christ we need to spend time away to gather our own thoughts and spend time with Him. Jesus often left his disciples and followers and went off and prayed, and that was Jesus! Mr. Patient Himself. My patience doesn't even touch close to Jesus', I can't even stand in a line in the dining hall in school without get frustrated after like 2 minutes and then I go off somewhere else, when I was driving I would rather drive 20 miles non stop than 10 in traffic. So we need time to just breathe and just ... be. I'm super excited about this series and I would definitely recommend checking it out here

CCU Collide

This weekend we had like 600 high school students stay at CCU. They were here for a weekend ski retreat and some had travelled for hours to get here. Some of us at CCU worked it and I can honestly tell you that the atmosphere on this campus was incredible! I think that for so many CCU students it was a well needed reminder of why we came here in the first place; to tell people about Jesus and to be able to share with them what living a life for Jesus looks like. Our part was not to preach at them this weekend, our job was to serve them in anyway we could. From hosting them in our rooms to singing karaoke with them, we were here to entertain and just show them the fun and joy that can be had by those who band together and follow Christ. The teenagers had a blast and just seeing them affected by the talks, talking amongst themselves about it or worshipping... there are no words to describe it. One of my favorite things to do during worship is to open my eyes for a bit and just look around me, at strangers, kids, friends, all worshipping the same God, some seated, some with eyes closed, some with hands raised, just seeing them so moved brings thee biggest smile to my face and I cant describe it.

The talks were honest, telling us the importance of not just answering God's call but actually doing something once we put the phone down. The speaker was emphasizing how an inward stirring leads to an outward seeking, what is stirring in us? What are we immersing our thoughts in and thinking about? The speaker also talked about how every revolution was started with high school and college aged people, and when he attends these retreats and he sees people worshipping and singing things about laying their lives down and dedicating them to God, he just thinks to himself "I pray five people actually mean it...because five people could change the world". Thats conviction. How crazy it would be if we actually meant the words we sang right? Please pray that when these kids return home, they spiritual high doesn't just dwindle, that they are inspired to act, not just to put down the phone and forget it even happened.

A Little One For The Ladies

This is my friend Emilee's blog, she recently posted about relationships and I just believe so many girls could learn from her awesome and godly example here. I met Emilee briefly when I had just come to the states back in 2009, she was so strong in her faith then and to see how she has grown since then is incredible! Please take a read at her story...

When You're Told Exactly What You Need To Hear

My friend gave me this verse and with the whole Gods plan vs Freewill thing I feel this related perfectly. God is beyond any choice I will make. He is way bigger than me or my decisions. Regardless of what I choose, as long as I'm focused on Him, God will be right here with me, the relief from this is unbelievable. Whether I choose left or right, one decision or the other, as long as I'm seeking God and honoring Him, basing my decisions on Him and not me, then I will be just fine :)

Who Do You Think You Are?

So my friend Bekah bought me this book for Christmas. She told me about it when she ordered it and told me that she really believed it would teach me something. Well she gave it to me Thursday and I just started it last night. This book is written by Mark Driscoll and so far its really great! Mark's whole basis for this book is that there is an identity crisis going on, it has always been going on and we need to address it or it effects every sector of our lives.

What caused Adam and Eve to sin was that they didn't have a firm grasp of their identity in God, in what God thought of them and the implications this had on them. When they lost this grasp of their purpose and the God they followed, they feel quick to temptation and so is our history. But we do the same, losing our identity in Christ makes us fall to temptation so much easier because we settle. We try to form an identity everyday; whether its through friends, relationships, clothes, music, where we hangout, the list is endless. Rather than filling our identity with Christ we try, well, everything else. God made nothing else in His image other than us. Nothing. Mark is taking it right back, saying that we cant seek our identity in what we do, who we are with, who we think we are, etc

"When we reflect something of God with our heads, hearts, and hands out of love for Him and others, we do what we are created for" - Mark Driscoll

Everyday we try and construct an identity for ourselves while forgetting about the one God has already given us. We were created for worship because in the eyes of God our choices, values, words, actions, and thoughts are all acts of worship; which make up our identity. Instead we project the desired image we want onto the people around us, but without this solid foundation we often become lost and question this identity which we have founded on rocky ground. If we don't have a solid idea of who we are in Christ or who we are at all then we can easily give way to peer pressure, people pleasing, codependency and fear of those around us. But then, others are dictating to us what our identity is and we use them to fulfill our need to belong, be liked or be desired. 

"My identity is in/through/because of Jesus, and applying it to my life"

Not having a firm grasp of our identities can lead in disastrous directions. When we turn to seeking our own individual identities it results in repeating the same painful process over and over again without getting satisfying results. This can result in moving from one addiction and compulsion to another, one religious commitment to another, and one relationship to another, and each time it ends with the question... "Who even am I?". This is one of those books which screams out at you saying "AHHH READ THIS BECAUSE ITS ABOUT YOU!", well thats what I took from it. 

Something Mark also addressed was how we can't form our identity on the person we are going to be, we cannot live for the future in this way because our identity will always be out there rather than in the present secured by Jesus. Our efforts should not be so focused on the future and our efforts that we forget about Christ today; who He will make us, what He will have us do and what He will give us tomorrow. 

Too often I live in the future, worry about it, stress over it, worry that decisions I make now will result in drastically effecting my future in a negative way. But I cant live this way. I stress so much between two images of myself; Vikki in Ireland and Vikki in America, and I don't know which one is the one I want to roll with after I graduate but again this is wrong, I'm withholding my identity until that degree is in my hand. Its so easy for us to think of our identity as being us with frills on; like our identity will consist of what our degree is, who we are married to, the house we live in, our hobbies etc etc but what it comes down to at the end of the day is that our identity is our relationship with Jesus Christ, how He views us and having a firm knowledge of what this is... will determine how we live out the rest of our lives. 

For right now, I need to remind myself daily that the most important ground is that right below my feet, that my mission field is whats right under me and the people who are around me at that time. I have searched for my identity in all the wrong places, Ive tried defining it on where I live, my friends, clothes, music, the list goes on. But now I'm going to find it in the right place, which was there all along. 

Learning about God in Gladiator, 300 and Eagle

So like I said in my last post, I am in Greek and Roman History all week. And as we work through each time period we learn just how this area of the world was basically being moulded the entire time so that it could accommodate the word of Christ. Its so incredible to see how each historical event would benefit the word of Christ and the message of His resurrection. For example, the road systems developed by the Romans made trading and correspondence between cities more accessible, this also played a part in the message of the gospel spreading. Alexander the Great conquered half the western world tying them together and also paving the way for the gospel to spread quickly across it, from the dawn of time God was in control of history and was shaping and moulding it so that it could rightly accommodate His son.  How incredible! When we read the Bible we know that God had his hand over the events in that but its so easy to forget that he was orchestrating everything around it. He has went into every fine detail, and its so incredible to look back and see! But the God who orchestrated all of history and the Bible still works actively today, in our lives, wanting the best for us and has paved ways for us to do insane things for Him! I can literally tell you that I never thought I would study Ministry, that I would move at 18 to another country and would love it! When I think about what direction God may send me in the future, the crazy adventures He will set me out on, I cant help but get so excited! I know God is a God of surprises and I cannot wait to see how God is going to orchestrate my future and the beauty that will come from the details :)

Being Back!

So I included this picture which my best friend took when I was mid laugh in another conversation but I think it perfectly sums up how these last few days have been. This week I am in an early week class where I am cramming lectures from a whole semester into just one week, but this is good because then I have the majority of work done before I even enter the rest of the semester. I am taking Greek and Roman history from 9am to 5pm all this week which consists of also watching 300 and Gladiator in class, whilst fighting the urge of jumping out of my chair, yelling "FORRR SPARTTTAAA!" and running out of the room.

But in amongst all the classes I am catching up with friends and just having a general laugh. I literally have laughed the majority of time since I have been back. This is one of the priceless treasures of being amongst a community of believers, I cannot tell you how blessed I am to be at CCU. To travel 4000 miles and be with people who have such a genuine care for you? It can only be the power of the family of Christ. Last semester I really doubted whether I should be here, whether I should be studying Ministry. It all just seemed so fragile to me, that I was investing so much into here yet in 2015 I will have to leave it all behind, and I'll come out with a degree where I have no idea where it will take me. It was a really rough semester for me, but one that I have certainly learned from and needed to happen. Even when I went home at Christmas I doubted whether I should come back.

But I am 100% supposed to be here. And I am so excited about knowing that. God is going to do insane things before I graduate here, He is going to open doors which I never knew existed and show me experiences I never thought I would have. I never thought I would find a family in another continent who I could care for so much, these people are my brothers and sisters and daily they try to encourage me to just be the person I was intended to be. Guys, I have learned what true joy is from these people, and I will never be able to thank them enough. This part of my life is most definitely a phase where I have to trust and have patience. I literally have no idea what direction my life could turn; american or ireland, ministry opportunities, travel, my dreams, I have no idea but how much of a blessing this is! The fact that all these doors are open in front of me right now! I am learning so much here, my classes are incredible but the most I am learning is from the people around me, the experiences I am having and I cannot wait to see the woman God will mould me into before I walk across that stage and take my degree :)

The Prayer of Contentment

Hopped Off the Plane at ...O'Hare

So I am currently at O'Hare airport in Chicago. I will be flying back to Cincinnati in roughly one hour and Im pumped. Its going to be so good getting back into routine again and I really do miss that crazy CCU family of mine. What was super cool about my flight from Dublin to Chicago was that my friend Johannes from Germany was also on it. Getting into the departure lounge and seeing a familiar face after all the goodbyes was such a blessing. Saying goodbye to my Dad and brother was super rough. I held it all in with my Dad until I got past security and when I was about to have a proper cry, this rasping old woman came up to me and said "love, could you help me through here?" , so I made a friend. We did security and laughed at how inappropriate it feels to put your belt on in public etc etc. She was heading to Boston and was rather excited about the pub scene there. We said our goodbyes and then I met Johannes. I was row 13 and Johannes row 14, but before we got on the plane Johannes kept commenting on how we were seated so far apart, I replied with "Johannes, you could be seated next to the woman of your dreams, and I could have an entire row to myself and it'll be beautiful".

Vikki Smyth, has called a couple things before :) Anyway, I got on the plane, and I was seated beside babies. Now in any other social situation this is cool. But babies on planes mean screaming the entire way across the atlantic ocean. Johannes partner was not yet there. When I was beginning to doubt my idea, the air stewardess approached the family and asked them if they would like the free row only two rows down from us, the mother looked to me and said "well actually could you offer this girl that row? it would be handier if we had her seat", happily I moved down, appreciative of the legroom for the next 8 hours. A 5'10" girl needs her legroom. As I made my way down the plane I witnessed the lovely Johannes speaking to his new found friend who had just taken her seat, a pretty french girl and guess what friends? Johannes knows french. So we sat for 8 hours, as Johannes spoke the majority of the flight with this cute girl and I lounged in my free row (actually a guy joined me because he didnt want to be around the screaming children but we both had two seats and didnt talk much) watching the new Batman which was INCREDIBLE! I also began to watch a One Direction documentary but felt heavily judged and even felt I had reached a new low so I quickly cancelled it.

As I sit in Chicago I am so incredibly excited to see everyone in Cinci, I just have a really cool feeling about this semester. I am so excited to see how God is going to show up.

'See you...in a year'

So any of you readers who know me know that I don't do goodbyes. Like not at all. I will literally run a mile (and I despise running) so that I don't have to say those dreaded words...For me I would rather do a quick 'see ya' and run for the hills, maybe sob a little on my way there. Today I went to visit my friend Jayne while I was in Belfast. While we were waiting at the bus stop waiting on my bus home and she turned to me and said 'Vikki...I am not going to see you for a whole year'. Usually, this is when I would grab my bag and head for the hills which I previously talked about but instead I responded to her 'Jayne it will be exciting!'. You are probably wondering why I have such an odd definition of excitement. But this is why. I explained to Jayne, that over the next year I had the best motivation to really strive for more. Being away for a year I could return in Ireland next Christmas one step closer to the person God intends me to be. You could say that it gives me something to work towards, a deadline I guess. I like the shock factor too and believe me nothing would be more exciting for me than to step foot back on this island a different girl. I am not saying I want to be different but I want 2013 to really make me grow in so many ways that people will notice a difference and will question me as to why. God has totally worked in my life since I moved to CCU, people see a change in me from then but next Christmas I would love to get off that plane, and really show how taking a year and seeking Him wholeheartedly can really change someone. I am a total slacker and in so many ways I don't feel I am where I should be, not in location but spiritually, emotionally and physically. This year I really want to get my head down and work on my character. I want 2013 to be the year I pushed boundaries, chased after dreams, lived one day at a time and did it all for the glory of Christ. I want to grow and be challenged. People, my dreams are huge but the person I am now can't achieve them, that person needs a lot more growth and maturity. Its known that good things don't come easy. This wont be easy, I will have to put a lot of work in. But the motivation I have is when I say goodbye to the people I love here, its not a goodbye, but a promise that I will come back, and that after spending a year really diving in and seeking God that maybe they will understand why I left and will be able to see Him in me. On Friday I am leaving, and as hard as it will be, the minute my plane gets off the ground I will be thinking 'Bye Ireland, but when I land here again, a different girl will get off this plane'

Old Homeboy Here

After reading my last post one of my really close friends sent me this quote from C.S.Lewis. I believe it's taken from his book "Mere Christianity", I am not going to take C.S.Lewis as gospel and will certainly look more into this asking people I respect for advice and of course looking biblically into it. But C. S. Lewis was a great and godly man who wrote so much incredible works based upon Christianity. C. S. Lewis obviously respects the ultimate holiness of God and the all knowing aspect of God. But does Lewis discredit freewill altogether? Looks like I will be reading Mere Christianity again this year...

I Fell In Love This Christmas

            So as a lot of you all know I came back to Ireland for Christmas and my trip is nearly coming to an end. I still have a week though and I refuse to see it as a ticking time bomb, I want to make the absolute most of the rest of my trip. I go through the same routine every time I come home, I come home thinking there is nothing for me here, that nothing here ever changes and that America is home now. But within a few days of dedicating my life to the states I start meeting up with people, seeing around the absolutely gorgeous country I live in and fall in love all over again. This is the only place I have ever truly known and so many of the people I truly love are here. It will always be home. But the exact same thing happens when I get back to the states, I see friends and people I count as family and sometimes its difficult not to plan a life there. In terms of ministry I have such vision here, this is just such an inspiring place, but I see so many opportunities in the states too. As you can probably tell it seems my heart is split and I have one foot in Ireland and one in Cincinnati. One foot in home, where even though its where I grew up I am no longer connected to it because I live in the states and another in Cincinnati USA where no matter how much I love it or how long I spend there I will always be a foreigner. 

Something I have been battling with over this past semester is the Freewill vs. God's plan idea. Is life utterly free choice or is our life a check list which we have to follow or else we become outside of God's will. This is something I have been asking a lot of my friends about since I have been back and it is something I will be taking back to Cinci to ask friends and professors there. You could say this fascination has come from knowing whether I actually have a choice in whether I can stay in the states, or move back. I believe that we do have a freewill but that God has an incredible plan. I believe that God wants us to choose certain things but I know He isn't the person to look over our shoulders and say we should've chosen option C instead. I know that I can make a really cool impact on the Kingdom but I have to make good decisions but I also know that I am small and insignificant in the scale of things and that God is so big that He can work through mistakes and surely my decisions don't limit Him in any way...see my predicament? If you have anything cool on this, or have read some books on it, please let me know on vikki.smyth@ccuniversity.edu

I have no idea where I will go after graduation but I have decided that I have two and a half years and I don't even need to worry about it. I have decided that every time I do get unsettled or worried about my future I will make myself read Matthew 6:25-34 and remember not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. I have to be open to what God has for me in the next two and a half years, I cannot put my life on hold and I am not in any place to shut any doors. I guess you are thinking that basically I want to live a Carpe Diem or YOLO lifestyle and to an extent this is true. I was never promised that I would understand this life or that it would be clear cut but I know that wherever I am I need to be there 100% and devote myself to wherever I am entirely. I want 2013 to be an exciting year, I want to do crazy things, and become a step closer to the woman I want to be. 

But enough of this... Heres some pictures of the beautiful place where I am today...

The Giant's Causeway :) 

Dunluce Castle :)

 The North Coast 

On a really cool note, I never thought anyone from my school would every sleep over at my house (given that I go to school 4000 miles away) but my friend Leslie came to stay with me over the past week! She was doing an internship in England and came over to spend New Years with me! I have to say, this girl is one of the most encouraging people in my life and I am so thankful for her! I really missed the talks we would have at school and we never got to sleep before 1am when she was staying! She is doing truly awesome things through Rain Ministries and the Greenhouse Project in England. Being home has made me realize the incredible people I have in my life and how incredibly encouraging they all are. How could I want anything else? I have an incredible family, brilliant and encouraging friends and a God who promises never to leave, always to love and wants the best for me in every given situation. 

I guess the reason I love this place is because it reminds me of how truly blessed I am.