And So Ends Sophomore Year...

I guess I had forgotten a lot of what went on this year. At the end of each year I always go into "reflective mode" where I basically evaluate on whether I have spent my last year effectively or if I have wasted it away. With this hindsight in mind, I make decisions on what I want the next year to look like. But as I looked over this past year, I don't think that I could sum it up better than the fact it was a 2 Corinthians 12:9 kind of year.

"But he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me" -  

2 Corinthians 12:9

On paper, this looks like it was my strongest year. Sometimes it felt the complete opposite. I realized this year that I cant do this life thing alone; that I needed God, and that I needed people. The later was the hardest for me to accept. Let me tell you a little about last year. I got onto Camp Teams, where I will be leading and traveling with three other people, working at seven camps over seven weeks across Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Illinois. I was part of Student Body Leadership with an incredible team who have become my closest friends, and which I will be on next year, with a brilliant team and as Vice-President. This sounds great, and I have been extremely blessed. But let me tell you how it all came about. 

When I entered my Sophomore year, I was so focused on proving myself. I had never observed rock bottom this close before. Each time we got a break from school and I headed to Lexington, I could see the look on my friend Mark's face as he knew I was ready for a break again and that I had pushed myself too much...again. A friend encouraged me into counseling, where I would swallow my pride and admit that this time... I couldn't fix it myself. I finished counseling only two weeks ago. In regards to camp teams, I didn't want to apply at all for this year. I had been turned down the year before and I didn't want to go through the heartache again. Many people tried encouraging me to apply, but I wouldn't budge. Failure and rejection were fears that were consuming my life. I took one friend in particular who would make me sit outside the coffee shop one Saturday afternoon to fill out the online application (and I mean the word "make"... you know who you are). 

When I got on the team for SBL, I didn't know any of them too well. We were all from different pockets of school and had never really hung out before the team was formed. As the year went on I can honestly tell you that these people became some of my closest friends. We planned events, both successful and unsuccessful. We planned Halloween parties, formal events, outings...so many events. One of the highlights was waking up at 3am to plant easter eggs all over the campus for a surprise hunt the next day for all the student body. When it came to the end of the year I wasn't sure if I could do it again, something was telling me I couldn't, that someone else would be far better. But friends came alongside me, told me things different and encouraged me to pursue on. 

This year pushed me beyond limits. It made me do things I didn't want to, but they were things where the only major hurdle was... myself. I was living in a performance trap. But as I look on this past year, I do not look on it with regret. I look back on this year and with a smile and a laugh say "about time Victoria". 

I admitted that I didn't know all the answers. 

I admitted that I wasn't as strong as everyone thought I was. 

I admitted that I didn't know how to differentiate between excellence and perfection. 

I admitted that I needed the people around me. 

I admitted that I needed help and that I couldn't do it alone. 

And that is why this was my strongest and best year. 

I always thought I had to do life with a squeaky clean record. That I had a million people to please and that my life was dedicated to that purpose. I realized my weakness, but the day I decided to embrace that weakness and ask God and friends to fill the gap was the strongest day of my life. There is great strength in weakness and in vulnerability. Life is trial and error and we never get it right all the time. I got out of my comfort zone this year, and I don't want to go back there. I know it is such a cliche to say that we should be living each day like the last, we should be seizing the day, carpe diem, even YOLO (Father forgive me). But these aren't bad approaches in which to live your life. 

So what did I learn this past year? (In a nut shell) 

• In everything, be who you are. If you are not yourself, then nothing you do or accomplish will ever seem worthwhile. At the end of the day you will feel like an impostor and the person who accomplished all those things will feel so separate from who you are. 
• You have your whole life to accomplish everything you want to do, stop thinking you need to get a degree, a masters, a job, travel, fall crazy in love, marry your partner and a have a family all in a 5 year time span. Trust in God's timing and in the fact that His plan is far more exciting than yours will ever be. Your life isn't going to be "sorted" in only a small time frame. 
• Jesus redefined greatness. Rather than going by the worlds definition, Jesus showed that true greatness meant love and service to the Lord and to those around Him. Be that. 
• Rest in the fact that you are a child of God, be still and know it. He doesn't want more from you, He wants more of you. 
• Faith is saying that where you are and what you have right now is enough and being confident in that. 
• Never have a preconceived notion of a person or situation. Go into every situation with a positive spirit, willing to make the most out of whatever faces you. 
• Treasure the people around you and never be scared to love them as much as you possibly can. 
• Do your best to everyday wake up and ask yourself how you can make the most out of that day. 
• You can't do life perfectly, don't even try, but pursue God in everything and you will never go wrong.
• Don't be too proud to ask for help, you aren't suppose to do life alone. Thats why we have friends and family. 
• There are blessings everywhere, try to always remember them. 
• Find a reason to smile and laugh everyday

This is my awesome camp team. I will be traveling with them this summer. This is Dustin, myself, Carly and Roger. Please be praying for us this summer as we go out and try to love on anyone we meet.

 This is my awesome SBL team this past year. It consists of Johannes, Caleb, Stacey, Joel and Nick. Meetings with these guys were never dull and I can tell you that I have learned something valuable from every single member of this team. They have all impacted me and I can honestly tell you that I will always remember these guys. Working alongside them was an absolute honor.

Only a few of the crazy friends which I count as family. CCU and the people there have changed my life. These people are my family, and I couldn't ask for people who care more about me than the family I have found there.

So what advice do I give for this rather extended thought. Take a snapshot of your life right now and realize everything and everyone you have. You are blessed. But the ball is in your court about what you want to do about that. You can be cynical and waste it all away. Or you can use these temporary things and make them have an eternal impact. Make the most of everything, let fear become your past and pursue everyday with the wish to push yourself so much more, going to bed that night feeling that because of that day you grew a little bit more.

I asked Mark Rankin if he had any life advice for me and he said "Vikki... thats so vague... don't waste your life on vague and stupid things"...I also wouldn't tell him what it was for so thats probably why he was so abrasive...

Love, Vikki