A totally irrational fear I have is that of failure. I guess you could look into my past and see where this fear comes from but I believe that we both have a fear of this to a degree. I came across this quote the other day from Donald Miller who said "Afraid of failure? Fail at something five times fast. In doing so, we learn failure is nothing to fear". The fear of failure is no doubt something which I personally need to get over and although I'm working towards throwing myself into failure (which I know, it sounds insane), I always go into it reluctantly. I remember the day I met my driving instructor back home, i turned to her and I said "ok, you need to throw me into stuff and I'm probably going to argue to shy away from it but you need to make me do it". I can tell you that this is a major theme amongst so many of my conversations with God.
"God, I don't want to go into ministry...I have nothing to offer"
"God, I can't go to America by myself... I'm only 15"
"God, I don't know if I have the strength to leave the only place I know and move 4000 miles away"
"God, I can't put myself out there...they'll think I'm totally weird"
"God, I don't want to shoot for my dreams, because I'm just too scared they'll fall on their face...if it fails...hope is over...if i just avoid it...there is still hope"
In sure that in reading this you realized how ridiculous I am. But maybe you read it and realized that so many of these things you think yourself and now, in turn, you are realizing how ridiculous you are. Failure is something which no one likes. But, I'm sorry...its inevitable. I have struck out on many things in my nineteen years. Believe me. But have I ever regretted these failures?
not at all.
You see although I shy away from them. My regrets, mistakes and failures have made me the wiser for them and taught me some incredible lessons along the way. I have learned that God's "no" is not a rejection, but a redirection. That certain relationships haven't worked out because God loves me way too much for me to be with someone who doesn't bring out the best in me or for me to bring out the best in them. That timing for God is His specialty and that the times where I couldn't be somewhere else that He had plans for me right where I was. That the people who I lost along the way made way for people who are impacting my life as we speak. You see, with hindsight, I see that every failure was a blessing. If I had done well in my science exams when I was 16, I'd be doing medicine or nursing...I wouldn't be here. If I had got on camp teams last summer...I would never have been able to stand beside my best friend as she married the love of her life. If that one relationship had worked out...I would've missed out on so much. With this in mind, I am ready to do life, make decisions, and if I fall...I pick myself up because my strength isn't about how many times I fall but how many times I pick myself up.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1
"My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:26
The only regrets I have, are the times I was too scared to really chase for something, to try my hardest, and thats what I want to encourage you to do. If you fall, so what, I guarantee you pick yourself up being far more stronger than when you fell down. Its tough to be vulnerable, but sometimes it is when we are most vulnerable or weak that we give God the space to shine through. Reminding myself that if my dreams don't scare me...they are simply not big enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment