So as a lot of you all know I came back to Ireland for Christmas and my trip is nearly coming to an end. I still have a week though and I refuse to see it as a ticking time bomb, I want to make the absolute most of the rest of my trip. I go through the same routine every time I come home, I come home thinking there is nothing for me here, that nothing here ever changes and that America is home now. But within a few days of dedicating my life to the states I start meeting up with people, seeing around the absolutely gorgeous country I live in and fall in love all over again. This is the only place I have ever truly known and so many of the people I truly love are here. It will always be home. But the exact same thing happens when I get back to the states, I see friends and people I count as family and sometimes its difficult not to plan a life there. In terms of ministry I have such vision here, this is just such an inspiring place, but I see so many opportunities in the states too. As you can probably tell it seems my heart is split and I have one foot in Ireland and one in Cincinnati. One foot in home, where even though its where I grew up I am no longer connected to it because I live in the states and another in Cincinnati USA where no matter how much I love it or how long I spend there I will always be a foreigner.
Something I have been battling with over this past semester is the Freewill vs. God's plan idea. Is life utterly free choice or is our life a check list which we have to follow or else we become outside of God's will. This is something I have been asking a lot of my friends about since I have been back and it is something I will be taking back to Cinci to ask friends and professors there. You could say this fascination has come from knowing whether I actually have a choice in whether I can stay in the states, or move back. I believe that we do have a freewill but that God has an incredible plan. I believe that God wants us to choose certain things but I know He isn't the person to look over our shoulders and say we should've chosen option C instead. I know that I can make a really cool impact on the Kingdom but I have to make good decisions but I also know that I am small and insignificant in the scale of things and that God is so big that He can work through mistakes and surely my decisions don't limit Him in any way...see my predicament? If you have anything cool on this, or have read some books on it, please let me know on vikki.smyth@ccuniversity.edu
I have no idea where I will go after graduation but I have decided that I have two and a half years and I don't even need to worry about it. I have decided that every time I do get unsettled or worried about my future I will make myself read Matthew 6:25-34 and remember not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. I have to be open to what God has for me in the next two and a half years, I cannot put my life on hold and I am not in any place to shut any doors. I guess you are thinking that basically I want to live a Carpe Diem or YOLO lifestyle and to an extent this is true. I was never promised that I would understand this life or that it would be clear cut but I know that wherever I am I need to be there 100% and devote myself to wherever I am entirely. I want 2013 to be an exciting year, I want to do crazy things, and become a step closer to the woman I want to be.
But enough of this... Heres some pictures of the beautiful place where I am today...
The Giant's Causeway :)
Dunluce Castle :)
The North Coast
On a really cool note, I never thought anyone from my school would every sleep over at my house (given that I go to school 4000 miles away) but my friend Leslie came to stay with me over the past week! She was doing an internship in England and came over to spend New Years with me! I have to say, this girl is one of the most encouraging people in my life and I am so thankful for her! I really missed the talks we would have at school and we never got to sleep before 1am when she was staying! She is doing truly awesome things through Rain Ministries and the Greenhouse Project in England. Being home has made me realize the incredible people I have in my life and how incredibly encouraging they all are. How could I want anything else? I have an incredible family, brilliant and encouraging friends and a God who promises never to leave, always to love and wants the best for me in every given situation.
I guess the reason I love this place is because it reminds me of how truly blessed I am.
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